Choosing Positivity When it's Hard
I’m sitting here this morning by the fire listening to worship music while I drink my coffee. Praising God. Not because life is easy. Not because everything is going smoothly. But because He’s good. He’s on the throne. He hasn’t changed. And I’m just thankful for His presence and His goodness right now.
I missed more than a couple days of blogging for my writing commitment. But I’m back today because I want to share about some things I’ve learned over the past week.
We’re finally back home after a really busy week. We had my grandma’s estate auction this weekend and it just required a lot emotionally and physically. But we’re home now, finally back to wifi and continuous cell service. I had about 34 unread texts when we got back last night and while I was in the shower my husband lovingly responded to texts for me without me knowing, just because he knew it was weighing on me and I wanted to respond to everyone but hadn’t had time (so if you got a text last night, it was from him. He tried really hard to sound like me so you probably couldn’t even tell!) He also confirmed my dentist appointment and played with the baby for over an hour so I could decompress from everything.
With everything we have going on, it was easy to spiral into a big pit of stress and complaint. If you saw me or talked to me you might not have even known how stressed I was aside from the major breakout on my face. But inside I was feeling really overwhelmed. See, our lives can get pretty crazy over here. Our schedule is very flexible and we get lots of time together, sometimes multiple days in row where my husband doesn’t have to go into work. Which is amazing and we live for those times. But what this also means is that there are seasons of being very busy and traveling quite a bit. We don’t have the normal 9 to 5 lives, which has its perks for sure. But sometimes it can feel like our lives lack balance. We go from having lots of margin to feeling pulled in many different directions depending on the season. See, my husband has many roles and when they overlap, things get crazy. He’s a farm manager, a business owner, and a specialist in the National Guard. And sometimes when everything starts happening at once, I get tempted to spiral into feeling like I just can’t even.
But God. This weekend He taught me how to thrive in the busy and not just survive. And all I had to do was show up. I just had to listen, read, ask — just invite Him into it. He was there waiting all along to show me how He could help me thrive. But so often I just accept the crazy season for what it is, complain to my husband and stress about how chaotic everything feels. But this time somehow I slowed down, stopped, and allowed Him to work some magic in me. And I suddenly found myself more willing to be positive, kind, filled with peace, and just okay with the crazy. Totally not like me. But He did it. And texts went unanswered, emails and dishes and clothes piled up. Hard things happened around me, near and far. But He remained good and unchanged. And I just gained some new perspective and some new positivity. I realized you can always find something to complain about. But I don’t want to live that way. I just want to choose positivity and peace even if my surroundings completely oppose doing so. I just want to choose to breathe deeper and tell myself it's going to be okay when it doesn't feel okay. I want to spread joy and light in the dark mess instead of just vocally affirming how messy and dark it already feels.
So I’m taking that mentality into my Tuesday. With all the mess and the crying baby and the piled up laundry and emails and I’m just taking it one glorious minute at a time with a new, fresh joy-filled perspective.